


Within a Forest Dark

by heavy_cream



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Adulthood, Barnaby is Bad at Feelings, Barnaby is Emotionally Stunted, Barnaby is so in love he's stupid with it, Epilogue, Family, Feelings, Graphic Description, Growing Old, Growing Old Together, M/M, Middle Aged Men, Morning Sex, Schmoop, Self-Discovery, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Wordcount: Over 10.000, but he is trying!, old man sex, time skip, unintentional telenovela moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavy_cream/pseuds/heavy_cream
Summary: The first time Barnaby noticed he was losing his powers, he was prying open the heavy vault door inside a bank to rescue the hostages held within. He pulled the door straight out of the wall and with a sick feeling in his stomach, realized what the surge of power really meant.---2020.07.27: COMPLETEDEPILOGUE ADDED ♥
Relationships: Barnaby "Bunny" Brooks Jr./Kaburagi T. Kotetsu
Comments: 45
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _“Midway along the journey of our life_   
>  _I woke to find myself within a forest dark,_   
>  _for I had wandered off from the straight path._   
>  __  
>  _-Dante Alighieri_   
> 
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates Monday.
> 
> Edit 2020.06.24: I have edited this first chapter considerably to make it compliant with the other changes I made in later chapters. This story has undergone a much larger overhaul than I had originally expected, and I've had to go back and edit chapter 1 and 2 considerably. I hope that with these new changes, the story has a stronger theme and a much better character development.

The first time Barnaby noticed he was losing his powers, he was prying open the heavy vault door inside a bank to rescue the hostages held within. He pulled the door straight out of the wall and with a sick feeling in his stomach, realized what the surge of power really meant. 

He spent two weeks in denial about it, went out on a spectacular bender of which he remembered exactly nothing, and finally ended up in front of his partner’s apartment door, knocking against the wood pathetically. He was fiercely hungover, his head aching and his heart heavy, and when the door opened he realized he didn’t know how to have a conversation that started with: “I'm losing my powers” and ended in “I don’t know what to do”. 

Instead, all he said was: “Kaede”

And Kaede let out a sigh and said: “you’re an idiot. ”

***

Barnaby stood in front of the beautiful brownstone that was home to him in as much as his own apartment was. He stared at the lights shining through the window, toying with his car keys, feeling uncommonly anxious without really knowing why. If there was one person in the world who could understand him, it was Kotetsu, wasn’t it? Hadn’t he gone through the very same thing himself a decade ago? And hadn’t Barnaby seen him thrive regardless of his limitations? Kotetsu had finished another six-year contract before he had retired for good. Barnaby remembered those years fondly.

So really, he was just being ridiculous, there was no reason to be afraid to talk to his friend. He roused himself and let himself into the building. He had the code to the front door and his own key, but no matter how often he’d been told that he was free to come and go as he wished, he always knocked on the apartment door anyway. It swung open almost immediately and there he was, grinning widely in his dress shirt and pants and the soft gray slippers he always wore around the house.

“Bunny! It's been so long!” Kotetsu exclaimed dramatically and hugged him, and Barnaby was stupidly fond and stupidly grateful for him.

“Didn’t we have dinner like three nights ago?” he asked and let himself be ushered inside.

“That was ages ago, besides,” Kotetsu leaned forward and tapped Bunny on the forehead, “you were miles away during that dinner,” Kotetsu turned and went to the kitchen, while Barnaby frowned and touched his forehead. He thought he had hidden his inner turmoil from Kotetsu pretty well, but apparently not well enough.

“I had things on my mind,” Barnaby answered truthfully.

“Ah, see, that’s your problem right there, you think too much,” Kotetsu said wisely as he uncorked a bottle of wine. Barnaby gave him an unimpressed look and walked towards the counter, accepting the glass of rosé, a drink he kept solely for Barnaby’s sake. 

“Only you would say that thinking too much is a problem.”

Kotetsu leaned over the counter across from Barnaby to toast his beer with Barnaby's wine glass. “Depends on what you are thinking about,” Kotetsu answered and well, he couldn’t argue with that statement, could he? Not when he’d spent the past weeks going in circles in his own mind trying to make sense of his own feelings and completely failing at it.

“So,” Kotetsu continued, resting his chin in his hand casually, “do you want to tell me why you are here?”

Barnaby looked at the wine in his glass, the pale rose gold swaying softly. “My powers are fading,” he said, satisfied that it came out even and not strained by anxiety and fear.

Kotetsu reached out, took Barnaby’s right hand in between his own, and held it gently. Barnaby let out a careful breath and curled his fingers around Kotetsu’s, feeling grateful for the quiet support.

“Have you told Kaede?” Kotetsu asked and Barnaby nodded.

“Yes, last week actually.”

“Oi, and it took you a week to tell me?” Kotetsu complained and Barnaby was so grateful for the normalcy of their banter.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know…” Barnaby trailed off because that wasn’t the truth, was it? “I was afraid of telling you,” he answered honestly and Kotetsu frowned.

“Why?”

Barnaby sighed. “I really don't know. I almost talked myself out of it, while I was standing on the street before. I don’t know but this whole situation… I’m really not handling it well at all,” Barnaby confessed and sat back.

“Well, I know what it feels like, it’s scary, losing your powers,” Kotetsu said softly and Barnaby shook his head.

“But I knew this was a possibility. It happened to you when you were my age.”

“Doesn’t matter Bunny, the possibility of something happening and the reality of living it, those are two very different things. Don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Barnaby smiled. “You know me very well, don’t you.”

Kotetsu shrugged. “I think it comes with the territory, don’t you?”

“I supposed it does,” Barnaby agreed and took another sip of his wine, feeling already so much calmer than he had ten minutes ago. Kotetsu was right of course, change was hard and Barnaby, well, he had never been one to like change. He liked his routines, he liked knowing everything was in its place, he liked the comfort of the familiarity, and this, well, this wasn’t familiar at all.

“Have you spoken to anybody at Apollon yet? Saito?”

“No, I would rather know what I’ll say to them when I do.”

“Ah, so you are thinking about quitting after all.”

Barnaby let out a sigh. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’ll do,” Barnaby confessed and that was the real crux of it. He didn’t know which was the right choice. Should he continue as a hero? Could he remain as Kaede’s partner? Would his shorter 100 power mean that it would last less for Kaede too? Would that place her in unnecessary danger? Did he even want to be a hero like that?

But what if he did quit, what then? What would he do? All he’d ever done was be a hero. 13 years experience and all he had done was put on a suit and run around the city catching bad guys, what could he possibly do with that? Where would he go? He had no real desire to join law enforcement or the department of justice in another capacity, and while modeling was part of being a hero, it held little appeal to him as an alternative career path.

“Well, you can do whatever you want,” Kotetsu replied simply. “You can still be a hero, you don’t have to quit just because your time will get shorter. If the decline is the same as it was for me, which is possible, you still have some months ahead of you and I’m sure you can negotiate with Apollon to stay as an A-lister anyway. It’s just as in everything else with life, you adapt, you roll with the punches, and you keep going.”

Barnaby looked at him intensely for a moment, his fingers playing with the stem of his glass: “Why did you quit?”

Kotetsu blinked at him surprised. “What?”

“Three years ago, why did you quit? You still have your one minute power, you are still in shape, even now.”

“Bunny, how sweet,” Kotetsu almost swooned, pressing his hands to his chest dramatically. Barnaby flicked a bottle cap at him.

“You know what I mean. You could have signed up for another contract but you didn’t renegotiate when the time came up. So, why didn’t you? What made you decide otherwise?” 

Kotetsu rolled the bottle cap over the counter. They had never talked about it, not really. Three years ago, when he had retired, Bunny had fought him on the decision and it had been the last big fight they had ever had. At the time, Bunny had one more year left on his contract and he wanted Kotetsu to renegotiate for a one-year extension so they could finish their careers at Apollon together. But Kotetsu refused and hadn't budged, had outright walked away from the conversation because he had never wanted for Bunny to make a decision based on him. So many of Barnaby's choices had been taken away from him by Maverick and Kotetsu had promised himself that he would never do that to Bunny. If Barnaby decided to quit being a hero, then he should do that based solely on his own desires and not out of a misplaced sense of loyalty.

And yet, even with all the arguments they'd had during that time, Kotetsu had never really told Barnaby the entire truth. Kotetsu turned his beer bottle on the counter. Perhaps it was time to have that conversation now. 

“When I came back to be on the B-Team, after that one year break, I vowed to myself that I would keep the promise I had made to my wife all those years ago. As long as I could be useful, as long as I could help Sternbild, I’d keep being a hero, no matter how uncool and pathetic I was. I had promised myself, that as long as I could watch over you, I would stay by your side,” Kotetsu explained and swallowed thickly. 

“That was the deal, and for the most part, it worked out that way," Kotetsu paused and looked away, feeling the shame of his failure creep up his spine. "But then, you almost died,” Kotetsu said quietly, the memory still painfully vivid even after all those years, and the failure of keeping his promise, of keeping Bunny safe, still haunted him. 

This time it was Barnaby who reached out to him, who closed his hand over Kotetsu’s fist, stroked it with his thumb with care and compassion, and Kotetsu was once again amazed by Bunny's ability to comfort him.

“You almost died,” Kotetsu repeated firmly and this time he couldn’t control the emotion that came with the memory, the utter, gut-wrenching fear he had felt three years ago when he’d held Barnaby in his arms, still and quiet and unconscious. “Because of me, you got hurt trying to save me because I had been foolish and impulsive again. I thought you had died, for perhaps two seconds, I thought I had lost you-” he broke off and took a deep breath to reign himself in. It was in the past, it happened and there was nothing he could do about it except learn and move forward. He unclenched his fist, let his palm rest against Barnaby’s, let the touch steady him once more. 

And Barnaby understood because he had been in that exact same place before. He had held Kotetsu in his arms as he uttered what he thought had been his last words. Had seen him grow still, had felt him go limp in his arms, because of something he had done. And it had been a decade since then, but he could still feel the trigger in his hand of the weapon he had aimed at Kotetsu, could feel the kickback of the shot deep in his body, and he still had nightmares where Kotetsu hadn’t woken up.

He understood.

Barnaby looked at their joined hands on the counter, pale skin against tan, palm pressed to palm, and he ached. They had led such different lives, and yet so many of their experiences seemed shared. They had both experienced grief, had lived through finding out that their heroes had been fallible after all, had experienced the betrayal of their own bodies. They shared the same power, had worn matching armor, had held each other’s lives in their hands..

Kotetsu took a deep breath, curled his hand around Barnaby’s wrist as if needing the tangent proof that Barnaby was alive. Barnaby understood perfectly

“It hadn’t been the first time that you had risked yourself for my sake, and it had been happening more and more frequently. And I knew that I had become unreliable but I just…” and this time Kotetsu smiled ruefully, chagrined, “I was being selfish, I just wanted to be a hero with you for a little bit longer. So I didn’t stop, even when I should have, probably years before that moment. But after that time I couldn’t deny it any longer. I wasn't able to keep my promise anymore. My time had run out.” Kotetsu released Barnaby's hand and picked up his beer and Barnaby watched him quietly for a moment. 

“Why didn’t you tell me this back then?" Barnaby asked at last. "I would have given you a lot less grief about you retiring.”

Kotetsu laughed, genuine and bright and it was as if the sun had come out and Barnaby wondered how he could do that, how he could in spite of all the pain and the hurt, still be the person to smile and laugh and see the wonder in things. How he could bounce back from moments of genuine despair?

“You would have given me grief anyway.”

“I would have tried talking you out of it,” Barnaby admitted after a beat.

“You would have most likely succeeded, which is the other reason I didn’t tell you.”

Bunny smiled fondly. “You are not as clueless as you pretend to be, are you old man?”

“I never pretended to be clueless,” he replied sulkily and genuinely offended and it was that of all things that made Barnaby finally laugh. 

“Kaede was right, I should have come sooner,” he said after he got a hold of himself.

“Well maybe you’ve learned your lesson now,” Kotetsu said and then grew thoughtful for a moment. “You remember, what I said back then, ten years ago?”

Bunny shook his head. “What did you say?”

“We set our own limits.” He leaned over and tapped a finger against Barnaby’s chest. “You are a really good hero, you would be better at managing and using your power than I ever was. So if that’s what you want to do, then that’s what you should continue doing.”

“And if it’s not?” Barnaby asked, feeling uncertain again about it all.

“Bunny, life is too short to waste it on things we don’t want to do. If it’s time to leave, then it’s time to leave.” Barnaby rubbed his hand absently over the spot Kotetsu had touched.

“How do I know what’s the right choice though?”

“There are no right or wrong choices. There are just choices that will lead you down one path in life or down another one. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about which path you want to walk in the first place,” Kotetsu said casually as if he hadn’t just completely blown Barnaby’s mind with that. 

Kotetsu topped off Barnaby’s wine and then clapped his hands together. “How about we have some dinner? You can tell me all about how my little girl dotes on her dear old dad,” he said, already putting on his apron and opening the fridge, looking for ingredients. Barnaby smiled and took off his jacket.

“Let me help you, it’s the least I can do after all this wisdom you have imparted upon me,” he said, making sure to sound as sarcastic as possible. Kotetsu gave him a baleful look and launched into a truly impressive rant and Barnaby thought that for the first time in weeks he felt like things would work out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12 years ago I published this on a now-defunct LJ under my old alias. Ever since then I have been working on and off on editing this story since I liked the original concept but felt it was poorly executed. In an effort of getting this story out of my ever-growing WIP folder, I have decided to publish the story in chapters. Originally this story had 7 chapters, I am unclear if that will remain the case moving forward but it gives you an idea on more or less how long I'm expecting this story to be.
> 
> This story originally started as a character piece and intended to follow Barnaby's journey during that moment of his life. It has been so long now though that I don't know if I make him any justice. I hope that at the very least it will be an enjoyable journey regardless.
> 
> Tags and warnings will get updated as more chapters are posted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 2020.06.21: I decided to take a rather drastic turn from what this fanfic had been originally about. For chapter three to make sense I had to edit this chapter somewhat. Although the general plot remains the same, I needed to prepare some build-up for what eventually turns into an emotional crisis. I added some paragraphs about Barnaby's introspective journey so that what happens later doesn't seem entirely out of context.

“Barnaby! You are back!” Kaede said embracing him the moment she opened the door. Barnaby thought that she and her father were much more alike than either of them thought but wisely decided to keep the comment to himself.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced, I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said as he stepped into Kaede’s apartment.

“You are not, don’t worry. John’s at work and I was about to start dinner. It’s good to see you,” she replied sincerely and Barnaby smiled. Kaede had never been one to beat around the bush, she had no patience for hypocrisy. What she said, she meant. It was refreshing.

“I’ve missed you too,” he admitted and followed his former partner to the kitchen. She had clearly been busy, there was a large bowl with peeled potatoes on the counter.

“I wasn’t expecting you back yet,” Kaede said. Barnaby leaned a hip against the counter and watched as she proceeded to slice the potatoes methodically. “I hope nothing bad happened on your trip?” 

Barnaby shook his head. “No, it was great actually.” Originally he had planned on taking just a couple of days off from work to really think about what he wanted to do, no more than perhaps a long weekend. But both Kotetsu and Kaede had vetoed that idea, arguing that true introspection required a change of scenery. He had resisted the idea at first but had eventually given in out of sheer exhaustion. The Kaburagi’s could be annoying stubborn when they wanted to, a trait he found equally endearing and exasperating. 

Barnaby ended up taking a two-week break and dutifully left Sternbild to go to places he had never been to. In the end, they had been right. The change of scenery, the meeting of other cities, other people, other cultures, reminded him that the world was so much bigger, that it had so much more to offer. That there was more than just one way of living. That living and surviving were two different things. That change didn’t always mean bad things, that change was good, was inevitable and necessary. That even the most uncomfortable of processes could bring the most enjoyable rewards.

That perhaps it was time for him to figure out what he wanted, what he really wanted, and not just what he thought he should want. Wasn’t it time for him to stop living up to other people’s expectations and live the life he wanted to instead?

“Did your trip help you out then?” Kaede asked and Barnaby nodded.

“It did actually,” he answered and Kaede stopped chopping potatoes to level a look at him. 

“You are retiring,” she said, and it was a statement, not a question.

“Yes, I think it’s time. I think it’s long overdue, actually,” he confirmed and Kaede smiled.

“I agree,” she replied and Barnaby is relieved that she didn’t take offense at his answer. “If I’m very honest,” she continued with a shrug, “I’m surprised you even decided to partner up with me in the first place.”

“Huh?”

“When dad retired, I was sure you would too. You considered it, didn’t you?”

Barnaby crossed his arms over his chest, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. “I must admit that I did, yes. The only reason I had gone back to being a hero in the first place was because of Kotetsu’s ridiculous _One Minute_ idea. You know your Dad has a unique ability to court disaster.” 

Kaede looked up almost beseechingly. “The heavens know how true that is.”

Barnaby smiled and then grew thoughtful again. “But you know, the truth is, I just couldn’t imagine being a hero without him. Tiger and Bunny. In my head, that’s how it worked, that’s the only way it could work. I really was just going to stay until he retired, but when he left, you had already started being a hero too.”

She nodded thinking back. “A bit over a year by then. I was partnered with Dragon Kid at the time.”

“He was so proud.”

“It was embarrassing,” Kaede muttered.

“And so worried.”

Kaede sighed. “Yeah, he’s a worrier, my old man.”

“I had discussed my retirement with Apollon, I wasn’t going to renew my contract with them. But then Dragon Kid left, three months before my contract ran out and you were left without a partner.”

“I remember, those couple of months were just awful, Apollon kept trying out combinations every other day and it was exhausting. You have no idea how hard it is to learn to control the skills good enough to actually use them in battle.”

“You made it look easy.”

“Well it damn well wasn’t,” she said annoyed, and then shook off the feeling. She had finished arranging the sliced potatoes into something that looked like a creamy casserole, and Barnaby watched as she placed the dish in the oven. “Anyway, you weren’t one of the hero’s they paired me with, though.”

“No, I wasn’t supposed to be doing a lot of heroing at the time. I was going to do mostly PR, shake some hands, take some photos. There was a whole plan for my exit. But then the big bridge fire happened, and all the heroes were called in.”

“That’s right, what a hell of a day that was. I felt the heat for days afterward.” 

“It was terrible, all these people trapped and unable to leave the bridge while the fire raged and the structure started to collapse.”

“I remember. I used a lot of powers that day, kept switching back and forth until I made myself sick with it. I slept for 18 hours straight that night, right at the Apollon offices, didn’t even get out of the suit, I was so tired.” She cocked her head at him. “Was that the turning point for you?”

Barnaby looked out of the window. The memory still remained crystal clear on the moment Kaede had taken his power so they could both lift away the cars to make space for the fire brigade. It had been so seamless, it had felt so natural, so instantly connected. “I suppose it was. We worked so well together, as if we had been doing it for years. It had felt right.”

Kaede, who’d busied herself with making tea, said: “huh.”

Barnaby raised his eyebrows amused. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just… I always thought my Dad had talked to you or something,” she confessed and Barnaby shook his head.

“No, it was the other way around actually. Perhaps I was feeling a bit nostalgic that they when I mentioned to him how great it had felt when we teamed up that day. And then he just asked me why I didn’t just continue being your partner. And the idea just felt right.”

“I really thought my Dad was being overprotective and you were doing him a favor or something.”

“Well, he was certainly relieved. He did tell me later how he didn’t have to worry about you because I was there and I had saved you once already.”

It took her a moment for the words to sink in and she made a face when they did. “The time at the ice skating rink. I thought you didn’t remember.”

“I didn’t. He told me.”

“Well,” she said, serving them both tea, “I’m glad that you didn’t stick around just because of my Dad.”

“I didn’t, and if it hadn’t worked out, I wouldn’t have stayed,” he added honestly and Kaede smiled, clearly pleased.

“Still it never quite was the same, was it?” she asked gently and Barnaby was grateful to have someone like her as a friend because she was right. The past three years hadn’t been bad. They had been satisfying, and he had worked well with Kaede who had all the bravery and all the heart her father did, but who also had a solid head on her shoulders. But being content is not the same as being happy and losing his powers had made Barnaby realize that he hadn’t been happy in quite some time.

“No, it wasn’t,” he admitted gently. Kaede reached out to him and placed a hand gently on his forearm.

“Thank you very much for the past three years,” she said solemnly and Barnaby didn’t know what to do with that, how to reply to that, but then Kaede grinned again, saving him from any embarrassment by changing the topic. “So then, tell me about your trip! What did you do these past two weeks?”

_***_

“Old man!” Kotetsu greeted with a huge grin and Barnaby sighed hopelessly.

“I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but if you are going to be calling me names, I’d prefer Bunny.”

Kotetsu laughed and pulled Barnaby into a tight hug before sitting back down on the stool at the bar. Barnaby had been called to work at the very last minute so they had agreed to meet at the bar near the Apollon offices instead of Kotetsu’s apartment. It wasn’t Barnaby’s favorite place, but it was close by and saved them both from going through an hour-long commute during rush hour. 

“So, how was your first vacation in four years?” Kotetsu asked as Barnaby sat down next to him.

“Good, long, exciting,” Barnaby answered and ordered a beer for himself before turning back to Kotetsu. “Also how do you know the last time I took a vacation?”

“‘Cause the last time you went anywhere was with me,” Kotetsu replied cheerfully, making Barnaby pause.

“Really?”

“Yes, we had that big beach tournament event thing going on, remember?” 

Barnaby did remember. The tournament had been a fundraising event, a three-day competition to raise money for charity. It had become a tradition at Apollon to do an event like that once a year, although the actual event had changed every year. The competition had been fun and hugely successful, with many sponsors hopping on board to be part of good-will publicity. 

“I remember. You annoyed me until I agreed to stay for a week afterward,” Barnaby confirmed, sounding as put upon as he possibly could while suppressing a smile that he was sure was hopelessly fond. 

“We stayed for 5 days don’t be dramatic, and two of them were the weekend, so we really only took three days off.”

Barnaby hid his smile by taking a sip of his beer. “You are still not over it, are you?” Barnaby egged him on and was delighted to see Kotetsu get riled up about it.

“We had private suites!” Kotetsu bemoaned. It had been such a wonderful resort with all the accommodations, a private beach, an _a la carte_ menu. It had been the closest to paradise. “It was such a nice hotel, one that had offered to put us up for two weeks for free as part of the whole charity deal and you turned them down! You gave me a ten-minute speech as of why we couldn’t accept and I can’t even remember what your arguments were, which means that they were probably stupid. I had to _grovel_ for you to agree on three days. We were back in the office on a Thursday, who even does that?”

“I do that,” Barnaby replied deadpanned and Kotetsu sighed, resigned.

“You sure do,” Kotetsu agreed, looking incredibly put upon, and Barnaby was once again hopelessly charmed by his genuine disappointment. 

“Well, do you want to continue complaining about something that happened four years ago or do you want me to tell you about my vacation.” 

“Alright, alright, tell me about your trip,” Kotetsu replied but he leaned on the bar and turned to focus entirely on Barnaby. 

“I did as you told me, saw the world, ate the food, did the tourist thing.”

Kotetsu gives him a steady look. “You are the only person I know who sounds put upon by going on vacation.”

Barnaby laughed then, genuinely amused. “I didn’t mean it like that. It was good, honestly. Two weeks still seems incredibly indulgent, but you were right when you pushed me to take them this time around. It did give me perspective.” 

“Ah! Good! So, do you know what you want to do then?” Kotetsu asked and Barnaby stalled by drinking his beer.

“To be honest, I don’t know what I want to do. But I do know what I don’t want to do, which I suppose is not exactly the same thing.”

Kotetsu tapped a finger against the wooden surface of the bar. “No, it’s not the same, but it can be a start.”

Barnaby nodded. “I don’t want to be a hero anymore. I think I haven’t wanted to for a while now. I’m retiring from the business.”

Kotetsu nodded. “Once it stops feeling right, you have to move on,” Kotetsu smiled. “Sternbild will lose one of it’s finest.”

“Well, maybe not,” Barnaby answered. “I’ve been thinking about taking up a position at the Hero Academy. It’s something different but I can use my experience as a hero, plus we could be partners again and-” Barnaby trailed off at Kotetsu’s face. “What?”

“Ah, I’m sorry, I was going to tell you but I will be leaving at the end of the year-”

“You’ll be leaving the Academy?” Barnaby asked, genuinely disappointed. He had been looking forward to working with Kotetsu again, it had been one of the reasons he had considered the Academy in the first place. 

“Actually, I will be leaving Sternbild, I’m moving back to my hometown,” Kotetsu added and genuinely regretted knowing he put that expression on Barnaby’s face. They should have met at his apartment after all, this should have been a private conversation and he should have been more tactful. 

“What? Why?” Barnaby asked not bothering to hide the dismay he felt.

“My brother, well, he is not the youngest anymore, so I’m going to help him with the store. Ever since my mother passed away he’s been all alone in Oriental Town and the bar, it’s a family business after all. The least I can do is go help him out. He shouldered it all on his own while I left to play hero in the city.”

“You weren’t playing,” Barnaby said quietly, running his fingers over the cool glass. He had been considering the Academy even before he went on his vacation, and he had been excited about the idea of teaching, of working again with his partner. He realized now that he had spent the last two weeks daydreaming about it and now it was all going up in smoke right before his eyes.

Barnaby gave Kotetsu a sad smile. “You weren’t playing hero. You were keeping a promise because that’s the kind of man you are. You honor your promises,” he continued, looking at Kotetsu’s hand were even now after almost two decades of being a widower, he still wore his wedding ring, “regardless of the consequences,” Barnaby quietly finished. He’d wondered about that before, about Kotetsu’s strength and steadfastness to go on in spite of everything turning against him. He’d admired that quality, secretly envied it as well. For as long as he could remember, Kotetsu had always seemed to know what he wanted and had gone after it relentlessly. What was it like, to live a life with such certainty? Such conviction? 

What was it like, to have a passion like that? 

“I’m sorry,” Kotetsu broke the silence, and his sorrow is genuine. He’d missed the day to day life with his partner more than he would admit out loud. He missed Bunny and his banter and habits and quirks. His dry sense of humor and straightforwardness. 

Barnaby took a deep breath and shook himself out of the slump. He would deal with this on his own time, there was no point in making what clearly was an already hard decision for Kotetsu, even harder by expressing his own selfish desires. It wasn’t fair, partners were supposed to support each other, not hold each other back. 

Barnaby nodded and smiled. “Please, don’t apologize. I am a bit disappointed, but, family comes first,” Barnaby said. “If Muramasa needs your right now, then that’s where you should be.”

Kotetsu sighed. “For what it’s worth, I would have liked it too, if we’d had the chance to be together again,” he confessed with a smile. 

“Someday, maybe,” Barnaby added, and quietly hoped that he was right.

“Even if I’m leaving,” Kotetsu continued thoughtfully, “I think you should still try out the Academy.”

“You think so?” Barnaby asked skeptically. He thought that maybe the only reason he’d really considered it an option was because Kotetsu was there and because it was related to the only thing he had ever done in his life. And now in light of the recent news, the prospect seemed considerably less appealing to him. 

“I know you liked the lectures you have given in the past, and you have so much experience in the field. Much more than other teachers have. Plus,” Kotetsu added with a chagrined smile, “you are much better at the business part of being a hero. The PR and paperwork and all that behind the scenes stuff that I’m so bad at.” 

Barnaby smiled fondly in spite of it all. “You are not that bad at it, you just hate it.”

Kotetsu grinned. “Well, it’s hard to be good at something you hate.”

“It’s called discipline,” Barnaby answered with a sniff and Kotetsu laughed.

“See? You’d be great for the teens, you’ll see.”

“I’ll think about it,” Barnaby conceded and promised himself to at the very least do just that, he owed it to Kotetsu and more importantly, he owed it to himself.

***

It was barely past 10 pm when Barnaby stepped into his own apartment, his conversation with Kotetsu still heavy on his mind. He felt too restless to retire, so instead, he poured himself a glass of wine and went to stand in front of his window, the one feature he truly adored about his apartment.

Sternbild spread itself out in front of him, a see of lights that twinkled as a reflection of the sky above. He’d never known anything other than this city before. He’d grown up in Sternbild, had gone to school there, had worked there. Almost four decades he’d spent in the city and not ever once had he felt the desire to wander.

He watched as a blimp lazily drifted through the sky, advertising the current hero season. Amongst the promotional pictures was his own, outside the armor. He wondered then, about the choice of not taking on alter ego like all the heroes had. Everyone else kept their hero persona as a secret identity. Barnaby had been an exception. The first and the last. 

It had been a publicity ploy. Barnaby remembered the meetings he’d sat in along with Maverick and Lloyds, discussing his debut strategy. It had all seemed so serious, so important back then. Every choice had been carefully selected, every decision had been discussed down to the minutia. 

But they hadn’t been his choices, Barnaby thought as he watched the blimp turn back. It was all Maverick and Apollon and Barnaby had been fine with it because he had a mission. He¿d had a goal. It had been all so simple, so clear back then. Go to school, go to the Hero Academy, become a hero, avenge his parents. A neat, clear path to follow, one that Maverick had facilitated in more ways than one. But the path had ended. The path had been a truncated life, and now that he no longer could do the only thing he ever learned how to do, what was there left for him? When did that certainty leave him? When did he lose that focus? Was it after Ouroborous? Was it after Maverick? Was it after Kotetsu? 

Barnaby watched his own face appear again on the side of the blimp, this time in an advertisement video for perfume, he was playing a role there but he wondered, hadn’t he been playing a role outside his hero life? Barnaby Brooks Jr. the hero and Barnaby Brooks Jr. the person were one and the same, and so what happened when the hero stopped to exist? When you took the mask away from the hero, the man remained, but what was left behind when you took away the mask from the man? 

Would there be anything left at all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 2020.06.21: Let me tell you guys, I hit a block hard with this story. I've been trying to push the story along for almost two months now and I've finally started to make some headway. I apologize for the delay in the updates, that wasn't the plan, but the truth it this story needed a much larger overhaul than I had originally thought it would, and that meant that I needed to figure out what the actual theme of this story is. It took me a while but I think I have finally settled that query and I do hope that moving forward, the rest will be much easier.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS TECHNICALLY STILL MONDAY.

“You know, that face you are making is very unseemly,” Barnaby commented, hiding his smile behind his wine glass. They were at one of the trendier restaurants in Sternbild, up high in one of the skyscrapers so that the room was surrounded by glass, with the city lighting up all around them.

Kotetsu only sulked harder and stared balefully at the cheerful couple a few feet away. Kaede and John were talking to other guests, dressed up for the occasion with Kaede wearing a beautiful cerulean dress and John an excellently tailored suit. They looked good and, Barnaby thought, well-matched in more ways than one.

“This is all your fault,” Kotetsu interrupted Bunny’s musings.

“What is my fault?”

“This madness Kaede is doing.”

“Getting engaged is not the worst thing she could do.”

“She’s too young!”

“She’ll soon be 25. That’s a fairly decent age to marry.”

“She’s a baby!”

“Weren’t you the same age when you got married.”

“That was different.”

Barnaby gave him a long look, not the least surprised to see Kotetsu being dead serious. “If you get this way at her engagement party, I dread to see what you’ll do on the actual wedding day.” Since he kept sulking, Barnaby sighed. “I could use some fresh air, you can remind me why this is my fault on the terrace,” Barnaby said, already walking away, Kotetsu following him willingly even as he sulked.

“Because you saved him,” Kotetsu replied and it sounded almost like an accusation.

“John? Well, it was really Kaede who saved him.”

“But she used your powers to do it, didn’t she? If she hadn’t saved him, then they wouldn’t have met.”

“You are not seriously saying you’d rather have him dead,” Barnaby drawled as they stepped onto the terrace. It was a wonderful September night, cool after the scorching summer Sternbild had endured.

Kotetsu curled his lip. “That’s a very un-hero thing to say. Of course not, but it could have been you who did all the saving instead of Kaede,” he muttered and kicked the rail petulantly.

Barnaby patted him on a shoulder, ridiculously amused by it all. “She could have done much worse than a doctor. He’s polite, well mannered, responsible, has a great sense of style-”

“No one will ever be good enough for my little girl.”

“-and he’s very much in love with her.”

“Oh what do you know about love,” Kotetsu said and immediately regretted it. “I didn’t-“

“No, you are right,” Barnaby said and gave him a long unreadable look, the night breeze, ruffled his hair gently. What did he know about love really? He loved his parents, a complicated emotion tainted so heavily with grief and pain. He’d cared for Aunt Samantha and the feelings were just marred as with his parents. The truth was, the people he cared for were few and for the longest time only his family. And then he met Kotetsu. That had changed him, hadn’t it? Kotetsu had come into his life, had carelessly thrown down the walls he’d so carefully constructed around himself, and had opened up the world for him.

He turned towards the room and watched Kaede laugh and felt genuine happiness for his friend. This was love too, in a way, celebrating a friend’s happiness. 

“I don’t know much about love,” Barnaby added, “but that only proves my point even more. If someone like me can tell, it’s got to be true.”

Kotetsu watched him for a beat and then let out a sigh, running out of steam all of a sudden and feeling for the first time he could remember, unbearably old. “I guess you are right, but, I was still wrong about what I just said,” he said and reached out for Barnaby, looking like he wanted to say something else but then stuttered to a halt and Barnaby felt as if he was experiencing a sort of deja vu, as if they had been in this exact moment before. The air grew heavy with something that Barnaby couldn’t understand, had no words for. He looked at Kotetsu, held his gaze for what felt like centuries, felt the tension between them rise into something huge and impossible, and just as he thought it was all about to break, Kotetsu let go of him and looked away. And just like that, the moment fizzled into nothing, the tension carried away by the soft September breeze. Kotetsu turned around to look out over the terrace and Barnaby emptied his glass, and carefully placed it on one of the tables.

“I heard you quit the Academy,” Kotetsu said after a moment.

“Kaede told me she had told you. She thought you knew.”

Kotetsu smiled. “She felt so guilty for not keeping your secret.” He turned to look at Barnaby again. “You could have told me, you know.”

“I was going to but it never really seemed the right time, it was around the time of the funeral and just…” Barnaby trailed off remembering the time six months ago when Muramasa passed away suddenly. It had been unexpected and Kotetsu had been entirely unprepared to deal with it and the wake and funeral had been hard on him, even though he never complained, never asked for help. But they had been friends for a decade now and Barnaby knew Kotetsu better than he knew himself and he will never forget how at the end of it all it had been just the two of them standing in front of a grave. He’ll never forget how Kotetsu had been so quiet, so still, how he’d blinked away tears until they stopped coming, how he’d grabbed Barnaby’s hand tightly as if to anchor himself. No, Barnaby couldn’t have told him back then about quitting Hero Academy, couldn’t tell him that for the past months he’d been feeling like a fake, like he was playing another role. 

“You had more important things to deal with at the time,” Barnaby continued gently, “my job situation was very irrelevant in comparison.”

Kotetsu elbowed him gently. “You should have said something regardless,” Kotetsu said softly. “So what will you do now?”

Barnaby sighed. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Isn’t there something that you want?”

“Well that’s just it, I don’t know what I want,” Barnaby answered annoyed and pushed away from the railing. “I don’t think I’ve ever really known.”

“I thought you had wanted to be a hero.”

“But see, I don’t actually know for sure,” Barnaby replied agitated and paced up and down the terrace. “I was trained, programmed, _brainwashed_ by Maverick ever since I was a child. How much of my desire to become a hero was my own? How much of my ambition was my own? How much of my success was my own? I’m not even sure if my revenge was my own,” he said, voice shaking as he pushed out these horrible truths he’d been carrying around for months, perhaps for years, and wasn’t his timing horrible? 

Wasn’t he being selfish? Tonight was not about him, it was about Kaede and her engagement, and his identity crisis could have waited for another time entirely, and-

-and then Kotetsu was embracing him, pulling him close, pushing Barnaby’s head against his shoulder, his hands felt big and warm and Barnaby helplessly clung to him. Buried his face into Kotetsu’s neck and just held on. He was a mess. He felt ashamed, embarrassed and so achingly grateful for Kotetsu.

“I don’t think I know who I am anymore,” Barnaby confessed, eyes squeezed shut tightly. “I don’t think I’ve ever really known. I think it’s all just been a big lie,” he said feeling miserable and so small. Kotetsu’s arms tightened around him.

“I think,” Kotetsu said softly after a moment, “I think that we all go through things in life that shape us, that is just how life is. I don’t know who I would have been if Tomoe were still alive. Would I have returned being a hero? Would I have retired already? What if I had never met her in the first place?”

Kotetsu stroked Bunny’s hair, buried his fingers into the soft locks. “You know the story, of the bank robbery where I met Mr. Legend. I look back at that moment and I’m certain that’s when I decided that I wanted to be a hero for real. What if that hadn’t happened? Would I have chosen something else entirely?”

“You would be a hero no matter what, it’s who you are,” Barnaby said with utter conviction and Kotetsu laughed.

“Maybe, but, who knows.” Kotetsu pushed Barnaby away and waited until he was looking at him. “We are shaped by the decisions we make, the choices we take, the big and the small ones, and there is little use to look at the past and wonder about what ifs. If I had never been at that bank, I might have never become a hero. I will never know, but most importantly, it doesn’t really matter. I was at that bank robbery. I became a hero. That’s the life I led.”

Kotetsu pushed one Barnaby’s locks behind his ear. “You are a hero too, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you have to ever be. We are more than just what we do,” Kotetsu added with a smile. “I was a hero, and then I was a teacher and now I’m a bartender. But I’m also a dad, and once upon a time I was a husband.”

He looked down at his own ring. “Life doesn’t stand still, Bunny. It’s constantly changing, constantly moving. That’s how it’s supposed to be. We are not static creatures and that means that we have to constantly redefine ourselves as our circumstances change. You are going through that moment right now and you will most likely go through something like that again.”

“So then, how do I know who I am?” Barnaby asked, he was still clutching Kotetsu’s jacket and realized he didn’t want to let go.

“By asking yourself who you _want_ to be. You don’t have to limit yourself to ‘who you are’, instead think of who you want to be, and then make your choices based on that.”

Barnaby frowned. “I don’t think that has made things any easier.”

“I guess not, sometimes the process is a trial and error. You tried being a hero and a teacher, and it didn’t work out that well. Maybe it’s time to try out something entirely different.”

“Like what?

Kotetsu shrugged. “You said once, that if your parents hadn’t died, you would have gone into robotics.”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Then why don’t you?” Kotetsu asked and Barnaby blinked.

“I don’t know that much about it. I’m thirty-seven, I think it’s a bit too late to get into such a complex field.”

“Bullshit,” Kotetsu exclaimed and Barnaby raised his brows.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s bullshit Barnaby, you are never too old for anything. I was thirty-five when we met, thirty-seven when I joined the second league and we made that work, didn’t we.”

Barnaby smiled feeling unbearably fond. “Yes but that’s different.”

“Different how?”

“You’d been a hero for all your life by then!”

“Yes but I hadn’t been a ‘One-Minute’ hero. Listen, everyone told me to retire. My own agent told me to retire. And I didn’t because I still felt there was something I could still give.” Kotetsu placed his fingers on Barnaby’s chest. “You still have a lot to give too.”

Barnaby blinked. “I…” he broke off uncertain of what to even say. 

“The way I see it, time will pass regardless of whether you do something or not. So you can stay the way you are or you can go and try out this thing you always wanted to try.”

Barnaby looked away feeling insecure. “I don’t know if it’s something I want to do forever, though.”

Kotetsu grabbed his chin and lifted his face up. “Don’t think about forever, just worry about right now. You are young, you are smart and incredibly disciplined, you don’t have to worry about money, why don’t you try this out and see how you feel about it? What do you have to lose?”

Barnaby swallowed thickly. “And if it doesn’t work?” he asked quietly. 

Kotetsu smiled and stepped back, his hand sliding down to curl around his wrist. “Then you do what you have always done. You try again,” Kotetsu said with unwavering conviction and Barnaby was once again overcome with emotion. How did he ever survive without him? How could he possibly go through life without Kotetsu and his blind faith and steadfastness? He thought about what Kotetsu had said and thought that if he could choose who he wanted to be, he would want to be more like him. Reliable, passionate, loyal. 

He leaned forward and rested his forehead on Kotetsu’s shoulder. 

“Okay,” he answered, afraid and weary and hopeful.

Kotetsu’s hand felt warm around his wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW This story hasn't gone at all the way I thought it would. 
> 
> I had written this story years ago and I thought I could do some polishing and quick editing and be done with it. But the truth is, it needed a lot more work than I had originally envisioned. 
> 
> The character's motivation wasn't really there. Barnaby is supposed to be going through a sort of midlife crisis which I never explained or explored. There is supposed to be character growth in this story but there was no journey, nothing really seemed to change for him or Kotetsu, and that meant that I had to do a lot of editing. 
> 
> I scrapped the original chapter 3 which was Muramasa's funeral because it didn't add to the story at all. A great deal of the delay in updates came from this specifically, where I tried to make that moment work until I asked myself: "what's the purpose of the funeral? Why does it matter? What am I exploring in the sense of character growth?" It could have served as an introspective journey for Kotetsu, but this fic is solely from Barnaby's point of view. This is his journey into this new stage in his life, and Muramasa's funeral didn't really add to that.
> 
> So, the original chapter 3 was scrapped and chapter 4 became chapter 3. This chapter was almost entirely rewritten, I kept only the very beginning the same and then changed the rest to really start exploring the doubts that Barnaby has. I had to go back and edit chapter 2 as well so that this didn't come entirely from the left field. I recommend re-reading it. 
> 
> During the week I will edit chapter 1 since it's full of typos and also I changed tenses halfway through (dear christ what a disaster) and because I want to flesh out Barnaby's journey of self-discovery a bit more.
> 
> Chapter 4 is pretty much done, si I should be able to update on time with no problem (and not at midnight like I am doing tonight). The rest is still a work in process but at least now I feel I know where I am going with it and I hope that the resolution will be as satisfying as I am envisioning it.
> 
> Thank you all for your patience. I really appreciate you sticking around to read and comment ♥


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! Posting early on a Monday! And by early I mean 2:00am! This is an accomplishment, even though it doesn't look like it.

Barnaby stepped off at the Oriental Town train station and was greeted by a gust of icy wind. February was coming to an end with one of the coldest winters in decades. It had been cold in Sternbild but Kotetsu had warned him that Oriental Town would be colder and he had been right. The snow lay thick even on the train platform. He tightened his scarf as he looked around and saw Kotetsu jogging up the stairs to the far right. When he spotted Barnaby, he grinned and his face lit up with excitement.

“Oi!” Kotetsu greeted and stuck his hands in his jacket and Barnaby couldn’t help but feel fond. Kotetsu had warned him to wear warm clothes, and he had - long coat, thick leather boots, scarf, and gloves - and yet Kotetsu himself had arrived in a jacket, jeans, and plain dress shoes. He was a hopeless disaster of a man.

“Aren’t you cold?” Barnaby asked when he was close and Kotetsu made an obvious effort to stop shivering.

“What? Me? Impossible, I grew up here, I’m used to these winters,” he boasted and then immediately sneezed. Barnaby took off his scarf and looped it over Kotetsu’s head.

“Let’s go before you get sick, old man,” he said and picked up his overnight bag and walked down the stairs, Kotetsu followed sputtering indignantly. 

“Don’t I even get a ‘hello’? I came all the way out here to pick you up in the middle of a storm!” Kotetsu complained and Barnaby arched his brows.

“It's not even snowing and also, you invited me here.”

“I invited you because it’s my birthday!”

“Your birthday is tomorrow and we will celebrate it properly with your daughter and her fiance.”

“It’s the eve of my birthday and you have been nothing but mean to me since you got here,” Kotetsu continued and Barnaby tried really hard to hide his smile.

“That’s not even a thing, and I have been perfectly nice.” Barnaby stopped and tugged at the scarf, pulling Kotetsu close. “I gave you my scarf, didn’t I?”

Barnaby watched fascinated as Kotetsu blushed, seemed to get flustered, and tried to stammer out a retort. 

“Right, uh, right. That, uh, thanks for that,” Kotetsu mumbled and then quickened the pace towards his old jeep on the other side of the parking place. Barnaby followed and allowed himself to smile properly then. He’d missed it. The easy banter, the silly arguments, the bickering. He felt as if he’d suddenly found something he’d been missing without knowing he'd lost it in the first place. They climbed into Kotetsu’s old jeep quickly. Coat or not, it was getting colder by the minute.

“I never thought I would ever be grateful for this old heap of junk,” Barnaby said sincerely when the heating blasted on.

“Oi, no need to be rude to my trusty old Jeep,” Kotetsu said and petted the car affectionately as if to reassure it of its value.

“It is certainly a blessing right now with this weather."

“Tell me about it, coldest winter in forty years, and it had to be on the day you came,” Kotetsu gave him a rueful smile. “Thank you for coming, in spite of all the snow,” he added and nodded towards the mountains. Even though it had snowed in Sternbild, it was nothing compared to Oriental Town. As far as the eye could see, everything was covered with snow. The mountains had heaps of it, the branches of the evergreen trees were bowing with the weight of it. The entire landscape had transformed into a winter wonderland, reflecting the last of the sunshine so that everything seemed to glitter and sparkle as the day faded away.

“I think the snow makes Oriental Town even more beautiful than it already is,” Barnaby answered honestly. It had always been a peaceful place. Barnaby had visited it several times in the past and he had never failed to feel at ease and relaxed. There was something about the long distances between the houses, the rolling hills, the endless stretches of nature, that made life seem easy and slow.

Barnaby had always thought of himself as a city dweller, had never imagined himself living anywhere else other than Sternbild. But as they drove through the quiet streets, as the twilight started to give way to night, he thought that there was something to be said about country life. “I should come more often,” he mused out loud, mostly to himself.

“You are welcome any time and you can stay for as long as you want,” Kotetsu said easily and Barnaby turned to look at him. They hadn’t seen each other in person since Kade’s engagement party and Barnaby realized that this had been the longest time they had spent apart ever since Kotetsu had come back from his early retirement a decade before. He noticed that Kotetsu’s hair was longer, sticking out haphazardly over the scarf, the tips curling upwards slightly. For some reason, Barnaby found that awfully endearing.

“Be careful, old man, I just might take you up on it,” Barnaby replied, a smile curving his lips.

Kotetsu didn’t look at him, focused on the road as he shifted gears and turned. “I mean it,” he said simply, heartfelt. “So, tell me what you’ve been up to lately? You told me last week you’d been looking into your parents’ research, right?”

“Yes, I went through their files. It’s... interesting,” Barnaby answered neutrally and Kotetsu narrowed his eyes.

“But?”

Barnaby sighed. “To be very honest, I am conflicted. I would really like to continue my parents’ research. To them it was more than just work, it was a dream of a better future. I want to honor that legacy, but at the same time, I worry that the research will be used for evil,” the image of H-01 came vividly to his mind. It had been over a decade, but that moment would forever live within Barnaby as a waking nightmare. “So much of that data had already been corrupted, misused and abused, so much of it was tainted by death and destruction. Maybe it’s better to just let it be.”

“But, Bunny, that’s the risk that exists with all knowledge,” Kotetsu said matter of factly. “All knowledge, all science can be used for evil, but I think… well, I think that most of us... most of us are good guys. Most of us just want to make things better, and I think that that’s why we should continue trying to do good things.”

Barnaby stared at Kotetsu. He should have been used by now, to his ability to find the solution to each of Barnaby’s problems, because he was right, wasn’t he? The possibility of failure, of misuse of power and knowledge, would always exist. It wasn’t unique to his parents’ research. But that didn’t mean that it would necessarily come true. Fear should never be the reason to not do something, he had learned that from Kotetsu as well, a long time ago. His own spiraling doubts had made him lose track of what was really important.

“You know,” Barnaby said after a moment. “I don’t know why I insist on trying to solve these things by myself. Clearly, I am no good when left to my own devices, I should have talked to you months ago, instead of agonizing about this on my own.”

Kotetsu grinned. “See! The more reason to come visit more often,” he said, his face flushed with happiness and Barnaby thought that he really should visit more often, it was obvious that he was quite lost without him. 

“I think you’ve convinced me,” Barnaby said quietly and watched pleased as Kotetsu smiled. It wasn’t long before they arrived at the Kaburagi home and Barnaby blinked in surprise as he saw the house. 

“This has changed quite a bit since the last time I was here,” Barnaby remarked stepping out of the car and getting his overnight bag.

The house looked like a completely different house. The paneling was no longer white, the wood was now stained a deep brown, and the red roof tiles had been exchanged for black ones. The wooden fence had been replaced with a low stone wall.

“You like it? Muramasa and I had talked about doing these renovations for years. My grandfather built this house, did I ever tell you that?” Kotetsu wondered as Barnaby looked around curiously, noticing even more changes now that they were up close. There was an awning that hadn’t been there before, the foundation had clearly been reinforced, and he was almost sure that the sliding porch doors had new glass panes in them. 

“No, you didn’t,” he said as Kotetsu opened the door and ushered Barnaby inside.

“I’m home!” Kotetsu said the moment he stepped in and Barnaby blinked confused.

“Is someone else here?” Barnaby wondered and Kotetsu laughed embarrassed as he stepped out of his shoes and into his tattered, gray slippers.

“Ah, no, I’m alone. It just feels nice to say you are home, even if nobody is there to listen,” Kotetsu replied, feeling self-conscious, and kneeled down to offer Barnaby his own pair of house slippers. They were white and clearly brand new. Barnaby stared at the top of Kotetsu’s head, suddenly overcome with emotion, because he realized that this was something that Kotetsu had probably been doing for years, decades, probably ever since his wife passed away and he lived by himself in Sternbild. He could suddenly see it then, Kotetsu coming home after a long day of work, bruised and tired, to a completely empty apartment, knowing that no one would ever welcome him home, no one would ever celebrate his victories or care for his injuries. Barnaby had known this, of course he had, they had been friends for a decade, but it had never occurred to him that this man who had always been so cheerful, so steadfast, so full of life and warmth, so openly affectionate with everyone, might have also been terribly _lonely_. Suddenly, standing right there in the entry room of Kotetsu’s family home, on the eve of his 48th birthday, Barnaby felt swamped with sorrow.

Kotetsu stood back up and without any warning found himself in a tight embrace. Barnaby pulled him close, pressed his face against Kotetsu’s shoulder, just like he had done four months before while standing on a balcony, and held him tightly. Just like he had then, he felt close to tears, felt them in the back of his throat, and he didn’t know when he’d become this emotional, why it seemed to always happen when Kotetsu was around. 

“Uh,” Kotetsu said, uncertain about what was happening and Barnaby shook his head and took a deep, shuddering breath, pulling himself together before stepping away slowly, his hands lingering on Kotetsu’s arms.

“Nothing,” Barnaby said, his voice sounding watery. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Nothing,” he repeated and smiled, “just... hi,” he said and Kotetsu grinned at him.

“I missed you too, Bunny,” Kotetsu said cheerfully, embracing Barnaby tight enough to lift him up to his toes, and for the first time in years, Barnaby felt like he was coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, here is chapter 4, a scene that didn't exist at all in the original version, but I needed something bridge chapter 3 and chapter 5 together. I deleted the original chapter 3 (it was Muramasa's funeral, but it really didn't add anything and made everything so much more complicated because of it) and as a consequence the events of what is now chapter 5 seemed too rushed and out of nowhere. So, chapter 3 was edited and this was created instead!
> 
> This chapter actually had a whole other chunk that I ultimately decided to take out because I felt it added length but nothing more to the story. It's almost a thousand words!? About Kotetsu's birthday party, his visit to the family grave to talk to his big brother, and the ending was Barnaby waking up next to Kotetsu. They shared one of the rooms (the only other available room was being used by Kaede and John). And so Kotetsu and Barnaby slept on the floor in futons next to each other, and all I really wanted was for Barnaby to wake up next to Kotetsu, and then have like a "this is nice moment".
> 
> But then I couldn't figure out how to make the moment more poignant, and I really liked the moment where I decided to end the chapter, with Barnaby feeling like he had come home. So I thought that the whole birthday celebration and the convoluted and convenient futon situation didn't measure up to that simple moment in the entry hall where they hug.
> 
> idk. What do you guys think? I could add it as an "extra" at the end of the whole story if you guys are curious enough to read it, but I mean, it's not like there is a lot to it other than one dude talking to a dead guy and the other dude waking up on the floor.
> 
> Anyway, let me know your thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MONDAY!

“You really are an embarrassing old man,” Barnaby said, making sure to sound as put upon as possible.

“My baby just got married, I’m allowed to cry,” Kotetsu whined and sniffed and Barnaby was sure that at least 50% of that was just an act. 

“You could do so and still have some dignity,” Barnaby said, unearthing his handkerchief and handing it to his partner. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” Barnaby added because it had been. It spoke of Kaede’s tasteful, understated elegance and frightening efficiency. The ceremony had taken place at one of Sternbild’s oldest churches, a small place with beautiful architecture of times long gone, which had been decorated with countless flowers. The reception was taking place in an unconventional place, a greenhouse that had been refitted to host events, and that was surrounded by lush, beautiful gardens. Night had already fallen and the venue was illuminated by countless strings of fairy-lights, giving the entire place an almost dream-like feeling. 

“It was, she looked so pretty, like her mother. I wish she could have been here,” Kotetsu said a bit wistfully as he looked at his daughter having her pictures taken with her new husband. They were standing in a clearing in one of the gardens next to the main building where the rest of the guests were. Barnaby and Kotetsu, along with the bridesmaids and some other guests, had been called out to the garden for their respective photo sessions. The photography studio had been Barnaby’s present because he knew that Kaede cherished photos more than anything. So he’d asked one of the many studios he’d worked with to cover the wedding and he was pleased that they had gone all out on it with an entire team that was busy documenting the entire event. 

“I’m sure she was, in her way,” Barnaby reassured him and Kotetsu smiled.

“Yeah, probably.”

“So, white?” Barnaby asked, running a finger over Kotetsu’s white lapel. He’d been surprised by the suit, hadn’t known that Kotetsu would be wearing white, and was pleased to see that the suit had been tailor-fit within an inch to perfection. Kaede’s decision, for sure.

“Kaede picked it. I think it’s because she’s only ever seen me wearing black suits at funerals,” he answered looking down at himself. “Besides, I would have worn whatever she’d wanted.”

Barnaby smiled fondly. “You’re such an old man.”

Kotetsu grinned, deepening the wrinkles in his eyes, and Barnaby watched as the silver on his temples glinted in the soft lighting. “I guess I am,” he answered and Barnaby thought he sounded pleased. 

“Dad! Barnaby!” They both turned at Kaede who was walking towards them. “We are taking the pictures now, come,” she urged, already walking back and then stopping to look back at Barnaby when he hadn’t followed. “You too.”

“Me?” He asked, surprised.

“Of course, you are family,” she said smiling and didn’t wait for a reply. Kotetsu placed a hand on Barnaby’s lower back, pushing him forward gently.

“She is right, you know, you are family,” Kotetsu said softly and smiled.

“I-“ Barnaby trailed off, not knowing what he had wanted to say in the first place, and feeling for some reason like he was about to cry.

“I know,” Kotetsu said simply and Barnaby was acutely aware of Kotetsu’s hand on his back as they walked towards the dais that had been arranged for the photos. They let themselves be arranged by the photographer and Barnaby was grateful for all those years of experience at promo-shoots because he was suddenly feeling overwhelmed and didn’t understand why. Kotetsu was close to him, he kept his hand on Barnaby’s back for the entire time. 

After a moment they were asked to step down and Barnaby and Kotetsu moved back to a side again, as Kaede reviewed the photographs to make sure she was pleased with the results.

“You know, right now she reminds me a bit of Agnes,” Kotetsu commented.

“She knows what she wants,” Barnaby replied absently, still occupied trying to understand why he was feeling so unsettled.

“I think we are up again,” Kotetsu said as the group of people on the dais stepped back down again. Kotetsu glanced at Barnaby. “Your tie.”

“What?” Barnaby looked down at himself.

“It’s crooked,” Kotetsu explained and watched as Barnaby fumbled with it, making it only worse. “Here let me,” he gently swatted Barnaby’s hands away, tightening and straightening the knot. “Didn’t I teach you how to tie a tie before?” Kotetsu wondered smiling.

“I forgot,” Barnaby confessed thoughtfully, looking at Kotetsu’s hands smoothing down his jacket, lingering over his chest. “I don’t use them much,” he continued distracted. 

Kotetsu shook his head. “You are hopeless without me,” Kotetsu said with a smile and looked up, meeting Barnaby’s eyes and there it was again, that sense of deja vu, that huge feeling between them, the tension that seemed to grow heavy, pregnant with expectation. Kotetsu’s eyes were warm and gentle, crinkling at the corners, his lips curved into a soft smile and Barnaby thought: _’Oh’_. 

The sound of the shutter of the camera seemed to break them out of the spell and Barnaby felt as if suddenly all the noise came rushing back. He took a step back, feeling almost disoriented. He could still feel the warmth of Kotetsu’s touch on his chest. Kaede pulled her father to take their father-daughter photographs and Barnaby turned around and left. He needed a drink. He needed to think, he needed several drinks. 

Instead of going back to the party, Barnaby stayed in the gardens following the footpath until he reached another small clearing, this one surrounded by fruit trees. He stopped and placed a hand on his chest and thought he could still feel Kotetsu’s hand there as if he’d left an imprint somewhere deep under his skin. How could he not have seen it before? It was so obvious now.

Barnaby thought about the past ten years, about the countless moments he’d had this feeling without recognizing it for what it was. Thought about Kotetsu’s birthday where the two of them had stayed up all night talking. About that moment at the cemetery at Muramasa’s funeral, where he’d held Kotetsu’s hand tight within his own and wished he could share the burden of his grief. Thought about the time at the bar, to his disappointment when Kotetsu had told him about his decision to leave Sternbild. He thought about those five days they spent together as a makeshift vacation, where they had spent every moment together, not once wanting to be anywhere else. 

He thought about how Kotetsu would always have a bottle of rosé for whenever he came over because he knew that Barnaby preferred wine over anything else. How he’d learned to cook beef stroganoff because it was Barnaby’s favorite. How they’d go to the Opera even though it bored Kotetsu to tears. 

He thought back to the fight against Maverick, how he thought he’d died right then and there, at the hole he’d felt deep in his gut, at the blinding rage he’d felt at that moment. He thought about the pin that Kotetsu had given him, that he still carried everywhere he went, that he had with him even now, in his pocket. He took it out then, stared at it in the palm of his hand.

He was inundated with hundreds of memories, of small moments, collected over a span of ten years and it felt a bit like when Maverick’s spell had broken and all his memories had come rushing in at once, coalescing into one huge, cataclysmic realization.

It was love, wasn’t it?

“I was looking for you!” Barnaby turned around startled and saw Kotetsu walking towards him and Barnaby thought, hopelessly, desperately: _It’s love._

“Sorry, I just… needed a moment,” Barnaby said and his voice sounded strange even to him.

“Are you okay?” Kotetsu asked concerned and Barnaby took a step back instinctively.

“I’m fine,” Barnaby said and no, he was not fine, he was far from being fine because he had just now realized, on the day of Kaede’s wedding day, that he was hopelessly and utterly in love with _her father_. “I’m fine,” he repeated mostly to himself, thinking that if he repeated it enough times it would maybe come true, tightening his hands into fists because he felt close to shaking apart.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just- need a moment,” Barnaby stammered out and turned around to try and get his bearings but Kotetsu grabbed him by his elbow and turned him around.

“Hey, what gives?” Kotetsu asked and Barnaby felt his face heat up, felt as though it was written all over his face, that he was in love with him, that he’d probably been in love for a long time, that he was an emotionally stunted idiot who hadn’t been able to recognize what love was, even though he’d carried it with him for a decade. Never had he felt more vulnerable, more naked in his entire life. He couldn’t deal with this, not right then and there, he had to leave, he had to leave and _think_.

“Let me go,” Barnaby said, close to begging, squeezing his eyes shut in self-defense, trying to keep his galloping heart still.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on. You are upset. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened, I’m fine,” Barnaby insisted, sounding desperate even to his own ears and tried to wrench away.

Kotetsu grabbed both of his wrists, holding him still, standing unbearably close, and Barnaby always seemed to forget how strong Kotetsu really was, that underneath that affable facade lay a man of unyielding strength. 

“What is that you can’t tell me? Why can’t you trust me?” Kotetsu asked hurt and Barnaby couldn’t handle that, felt himself grow brittle, felt his control slip away into nothing. 

“Bunny-” Kotetsu murmured gently and that was it, Barnaby surged against him then and kissed him, feeling entirely overwhelmed by it all. Ten years worth of love coming to head in one single act of mad, heart-wrenching desperation. He felt his breath hitch, his heart gallop in his chest, felt his chest grow tight as he pressed his lips against Kotetsu’s for one brief, maddening moment. 

And then he panicked. 

Just as abruptly, he wrenched himself away, and without even looking back, he fled. He made his way through the dark footpath with haste, his mind running in a million directions at once. He’d ruined it, hadn’t he? He had given in on a frantic impulse, had given in to an emotion he didn’t even fully understand, had kissed Kotetsu, had kissed his best friend, the one man who had been by his side during the worst times of his life. The man, who had given him in return, the best moments of his life. Oh god, what was he going to do now?

He emerged in the carpark without really knowing how, his feet carrying him unconsciously away from the party, from Kaede, from Kotetsu. He got to his car and stopped, what did he do now? Should he head back? What would he say? Would Kotetsu listen? Would he _even want to_? Barnaby looked back towards the dark footpath and then got into his car.

Kotetsu hadn’t followed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! c:


	6. Chapter 6

A week after the wedding, Barnaby found Kaede ringing his doorbell at nine o’clock in the morning. He stood in his own living room for an embarrassingly long time, unsure whether he was trying to talk himself into opening the door or ignoring her entirely. He had spent the entire week in a strange cycle of self-loathing and self-realization and just overall in a profound mess of confusion, not knowing what he should do. And now Kaede was at his door and Barnaby didn’t even really know why. Did she know? Had she seen them? Had Kotetsu told her anything? Oh god, what could he possibly say to her? ‘Sorry I kissed your dad on your wedding day because I’ve been in love with him for a decade and I just now found that out?’ And also ‘Sorry I ran away before the actual reception because I had a panic attack because I just kissed your dad under a peach tree.’ 

Dear goddess. 

How could this happen to him? Wasn’t he supposed to be over these teenage-angst moments? He was almost forty, surely by this point he was supposed to have figured out what to do with his life, how feelings worked, and how to avoid getting himself into these tangled situations in the first place. 

The bell rang again and Barnaby closed his eyes. He knew that it would continue to ring because the only person more stubborn than Kaede was Barnaby himself, and they could very well extend this standoff indefinitely. Or most likely Kaede would just go get a NEXT power that would allow her to break down the door and then proceed to beat him with it. 

And she would be right in doing so because Barnaby had clearly lost his mind and wallowing in his apartment alone hadn’t actually helped him in any way. Barnaby let out a breath. The truth was that he was at fault, no matter whether she knew or not the details of that night, he had still left without even a glance back and Kaede deserved better. She had been nothing but a kind and supportive friend to him for years, had saved his life on more than one occasion, and she at the very least deserved an apology. 

He took a deep breath, crossed the living room, and opened the door. 

They looked at each other. Barnaby felt apprehensive and defeated and he was sure that it showed on his face. Kaede’s face, on the other hand, was unusually blank, and Barnaby felt even more unsettled. She had never been one to hide her emotions, had never shied away from unleashing her anger and frustration, and had always talked plainly. It was, after all, one of his favorite traits about here. He didn’t know what to do with this blank-faced Kaede on his doorstep. He stepped aside silently, allowing Kaede to enter his apartment, and then followed her into the living room where she stopped. 

Kaede turned around, placed her fists on her hips, and said: “You look like shit.”

Barnaby didn’t know what he was expecting but it certainly hadn’t been that. He also was in no position to deny it.

“I feel like it,” he agreed and Kaede blinked at him clearly surprised. 

“Wow, you really are miserable,” Kaede said and Barnaby made a face. He wished she would just come out and say what she wanted to say. He wished she would have been angry, or sad, or upset, instead of this eerily calm that seemed so foreign to him.

Kaede crossed her arms. “Okay, what the hell happened between you and my dad?”

Barnaby tensed. “What- what do you mean,” he asked, stalling, and she frowned.

“You know what I mean,” she said, pointing at him with her index finger. “My dad is acting weird which is saying _a lot_ and he only ever acts weird when it’s about you. And today I come here and you have this face on like you are waiting for me to beat you up, so something happened between the two of you,” she said, but Barnaby had gotten stuck on one specific point in that rant.

“Acting weird how?” he asked and Kaede sighed exasperatedly.

“Really? That’s the part you got stuck on?” She waved his protest away. “He is being evasive and he is lying. You know how I know he is lying? Because he is a terrible, terrible liar and when I confront him about it he changes the topic with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. So, what happened. Did you have a fight or something?” Kaede asked and Barnaby wished that was the case. Things would be so much easier if they’d had a fight. 

“Not a fight, no,” he admitted and felt suddenly worn.

“But something happened. At my wedding right?” she asked and Barnaby made a face.

“What makes you say that?” he asked, looking away, evading the question entirely because it turned out, he actually didn’t know what to say to her.

“Because you left before Dad’s toast and you wouldn’t have done that unless something had happened. And since you have been avoiding Dad I figure it’s something to do with him.”

The guilt returned tenfold now. He hadn’t even thought about that, how he hadn’t been there for either of them during such an important moment. How he had just bailed and spent the entire week wallowing in his own misery without even considering how Kaede or Kotetsu had felt. He hadn’t been just inconsiderate, he had been quite frankly thoughtless, selfish, and childish. He felt so incredibly tired all at once.

“Kaede, I’m sorry,” he said and rubbed his fingers against his eyes. “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble and for my behavior at your wedding. I- there is no excuse. I behaved childishly and I’m sorry to have ruined your day,” he apologized sincerely and looked at her again. Kaede let out a sigh and then closed the distance between them to punch him in the arm.

“You are an idiot,” she said but Barnaby thought she sounded almost fond. “Don’t give yourself too much credit, you didn’t ruin anything. I can very honestly tell you that I had more important things on my mind on my wedding day.”

Barnaby smiled softly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Barnaby,” Kaede said and placed a hand on his arm. “What happened at the wedding?” she asked again and Barnaby felt helpless. 

“I-” Barnaby started and then trailed off. Barnaby was so out of his depth he didn’t know what the right course of action here was. Should he tell her? Should he confess? What would he say? He’d kissed Kotetsu and then ran away? What did that even mean? “I made a mistake,” he said evenly. 

Kaede gave him a long, steady look before opening her bag and taking out a plain, manila folder. She pulled out a photograph and handed it to him.

“Does it have anything to do with this?” She asked and for a moment Barnaby felt he’d lost his breath. It was the candid shot of them, the exact moment when Kotetsu had placed his hands on Barnaby’s chest after fixing his tie and had looked up. There was nothing obvious about the picture, but their poses, the proximity of their bodies, the look of endearment, of caring, of _love_ , on Barnaby’s face turned that simple instant that had lasted a few seconds, into an eternity of intimacy. He didn’t know what to feel, seeing his feelings and desires so blatantly written on his face in that picture. Had he always been this transparent? Had it always been so obvious to anyone but himself? But it wasn't just him in that picture, was it? Kotetsu was there too, looking at him in that gentle, steady way of his, so hopelessly soft, so openly tender and Barnaby felt something within him starting to bloom, something achingly frail. 

“I-“ he started, looking at Kaede. He could have lied, even now, he could have avoided the entire thing. Denied it, said that it was nothing, that this was not at all what it looked like. But this was the woman who had trusted him with her life over and over again, the woman who had considered him family. He owed her honesty, even in this, perhaps, especially in this. “Yes,” he finally said, the photograph in his hand shook.

She let out a deep breath, crossed her arms over her chest, and stared at him for a moment. “Have you talked to him at all since the wedding?” Kaede asked and Barnaby shook his head. “I think it’s time you do.”

“Kaede-” Barnaby started but she shook her head.

“This is a conversation you need to have with him, not with me,” she let out a sigh. “I swear, the two of you will be the death of me, you and my Dad both, moping around the house on your own instead of just talking to each other.” 

“I don’t know what to say to him,” he confessed.

“The thing is,” Kaede said softly, “I think you do know. You’re just scared.” 

Barnaby felt his heart gallop in his chest because that was it wasn’t it? It was fear all over again that had propelled him to run away, to hide in his home, that had led him down a spiral of denial for an entire week. Because the thing was, he wasn’t afraid of his feelings but of the potential hurt that could come from them. He’d felt exposed and frail and vulnerable and like a wounded animal, had run for shelter. But the fear hadn’t left, it had stayed and grown and festered and nothing had been resolved. He remembered Kotetsu’s words then, on the terrace, where he’d said that time would pass regardless of whether he did something about it or not. Time had passed and nothing had changed. He had remained in this limbo and, what was worse, he had kept Kotetsu right there with him. Barnaby felt simultaneously unbearably young and unbearably old just then.

He looked up again. “I-” he started and was again cut off by Kaede.

“Don’t tell me, tell him,” she said firmly and Barnaby was once again reminded how lucky he was to have her in his life. How lucky he was to have friends and people close to him, who knew what he needed even when he himself didn't.

“Everything you want is at the other side of fear,” Kaede said and Barnaby clutched the photograph tightly in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter again didn't go at all the way it had originally. This was supposed to be the end, and the next chapter was just schmoopy epilogue, but I ended up completely rewriting the scene entirely. The confrontation with Kaede made absolutely no sense in the original draft, it had served no purpose other than providing me with a tool to avoid a monologue and Kaede deserved better lol. In this universe, she is his closes friend next to Kotetsu, the one who knows him the most after Kotetsu, and if anyone would be able to talk sense into Barnaby, it would be her.
> 
> I debated for a long time whether to just add the resolution to this since this is a short chapter, but that entire scene needs to be rewritten as well and I don't think I will have the time to do all that editing in time for the deadline. 
> 
> I apologize for this brief update, looking at it now, I think this should have been part of the previous chapter but alas, things are what they are and this was not the original plan. This is what happens when you edit something piece by piece, clearly I am terrible at doing this. I still think that chapter 7 will be the end of it all though, we are nearing the moment of conclusion, but I do have some decisions to make. 
> 
> There are a bunch of scenes that I have cut out quite simply because they didn't fit with the rest of the story. Muramasa's funeral, Bunny waking up next to Kotetsu and having feelings about it, Bunny talking to his parents in the cemetery (wow... just... so much cemetery...), a steamy sex scene which also like, makes no sense to me now in the context of it all. I don't know what to do with all of these, to be honest, should I just add them as "extras" at the end in a separate chapter?? idk ahhhh I just wish I had done a better job at this story from the beginning instead of hacking away at it piece by piece orz.


	7. Chapter 7

Kotetsu wiped down the counter methodically. The bar had already closed, the chairs had been upturned and the floor swept and mopped, bottles capped and placed back onto the racks, glasses washed and left to dry. It had been a slow night for “Kaburagi Spirits & Bar” but Kotetsu had been grateful for it. Lately, he’d had a lot on his mind. There had been a lot on his mind for days, ever since Kaede’s wedding. He sighed. That wasn’t entirely true, there had been a lot on his mind for much longer than that, for years really, it just had been left forgotten somewhere in the back of his mind but ever since the wedding, ever since Barnaby... 

He stopped and stared at the counter. 

Barnaby had kissed him. 

Barnaby had kissed him under a peach tree on his daughter’s wedding day and had then run away and Kotetsu had done _nothing_ to stop him, had just stood there rooted to the ground while everything had sort of crashed down around him, and by the time he caught up with everything, it had all been already over. And now it had been days of absolute silence between them and Kotetsu had no idea what to do about that. Annoyed and frustrated at himself he threw the wet rag down and picked up a dry one, resuming the polishing of the wood on the counter. He rarely ever made that much of an effort when cleaning the bar, but he wanted to desperately get rid of the feelings of impotence and uselessness that had been with him for the past week.

A week. It had been a week already and he hadn’t done anything, hadn’t said anything. Should he call? What could he say? Sorry I didn’t stop you? Sorry I didn’t call you for a week to see how you were doing? Sorry I didn’t see it coming? Should he even apologize? Would that help anything? Should he say that it was fine? Was it fine? What had Barnaby been thinking? What was he thinking now? He hadn’t called either and that had to mean something, right? Had Barnaby already decided to move on from the entire situation? Did he regret it? What did Barnaby actually want? For that matter, what did he want? 

And that right there was the whole issue, really. Kotetsu was old enough to know that every now and then, life would throw something your way that you were holy unprepared for, that you could not see coming at all, and that would change your life forever. He’d had those moments. When his powers activated. When he met Mr. Legend. When he met Tomoe and when he lost her. When he met Barnaby… 

He stopped cleaning the counter and stared at the wood. He remembered his life before Barnaby, but it felt so far away to him, so alien. Whenever he thought back about that period of his life, it was akin to watching somebody else's home movies. He felt oddly removed from that person and unable to remember anything in particular about that time. Every day just meshed into the next, into an endless chain of ennui. Barnaby had barged into his life like a force of nature, relentless and unstoppable and Kotetsu hadn’t known how miserable he’d been before until Barnaby arrived with the sole purpose of riling him up.

They had been pushing and pulling each other since the moment they met and even in those early days when they fought and disagreed more often than not, Kotetsu hadn’t been able to stay away. Hadn’t wanted to. 

Kotetsu had slipped into love so slowly and gently that by the time he’d noticed, he was unable to remember a time where he hadn’t loved Barnaby. It had been there all the time, simmering under his skin, unacknowledged and it had been fine. He hadn’t needed to do anything about it and so it had become just one more ache under his ribs, that he’d carried with him wherever he’d gone.

But then Barnaby kissed him and this long-forgotten feeling bloomed, came to life with overwhelming force, had spread through his entire being and he knew that he could never again put it away. And that, that right there was the problem. This feeling he had tucked away for years had been unleashed and Kotetsu was old enough to know that regardless of what happened now, things between would never be the same. Because he knew now how Barnaby’s mouth felt against his own, had tasted his breath, had felt his body shake in his hands, and he could never go back to a point where he didn’t know those things about Barnaby. 

The only way to go was forward but the problem was that this was not just his decision to make, was it? It wasn’t just about what he wanted it was about what Barnaby wanted, and Barnaby…. Barnaby had kissed him and run away and hadn’t called in a week, and Kotetsu was terrified of what that meant because he knew he couldn’t place those feelings back in a box, that from now on they would forever ache and he wasn’t sure he would be able to be the person Barnaby needed him to be. And a life without Barnaby was bleak and lonely in a way he couldn’t fathom anymore. A life he didn’t really want. 

The bell over the main entrance chimed as the door swung open with a creak. A late-night patron was the absolute last thing he needed right now and Kotetsu sighed.

“We are closed,” he called, looking up from the counter and then promptly froze in place.

There, standing at the entry of “Kaburagi Spirits and Bar” in the middle of the night on a Thursday, stood Barnaby. Kotetsu had a maddening, fleeting thought, that he’d somehow called Barnaby with his own mind and he was suddenly achingly aware how much he’d _missed him_. He’d missed talking to him, seeing him on their calls, thinking about him, and the past week had been so awful and Kotetsu had been so miserable without him and God, how was he supposed to live like that now? It all stuck to him in a lump in his throat and he couldn’t- he couldn’t-

“I’m sorry to have come unannounced,” Barnaby said softly, interrupting Kotetsu’s thoughts. He hadn’t moved from the door, mostly in the shadows, illuminated solely by the light of the streetlights outside and the soft, yellow lighting from right above the bar. “But,” Barnaby continued, “I- there is something I wanted to say to you and I didn’t want to do that over the phone,” he finished and Kotetsu was acutely aware of his own heartbeat, how hard it felt, how loud it sounded, beating against his ribs like it wanted to escape.

“This past year,” Barnaby started, looking at the floor, gathering his thoughts carefully, “has been very difficult for me. I’ve been trying to figure out what I want but more than that, I’ve been trying to answer the question of who I am. So much of me was determined by my past, the death of my parents, the deceit of Maverick...at the time I had wanted to leave it all behind. I didn’t know who I was back then either and back then I also spent a year trying to figure out what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. In all honesty, I really didn’t think that I would ever go back,” Barnaby admitted and Kotetsu is incapable of imagining the past ten years without him.

Barnaby looked up at him. “But then I saw that you had returned, that you were in the second league and I remember thinking back then how much I just wanted to have that again. I--- I was so uncertain about so many things back then but chasing after criminals with you, helping people with you, I wanted that so badly again, and those years we spent together, side by side, those have been the happiest years in my entire life,” Barnaby smiled. “The truth is, I have always been happiest when I’ve been by your side, no matter what we did or where we went.”

Barnaby slid his hands in his pockets and looked away. “All this time I had thought that my problem was that I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that I wasn’t happy being a hero and losing my powers… that really was just the excuse I needed. Kaede said that my heart hadn’t been in it for some time and she is right,” Barnaby looked up again and gave him a rueful smile. “It never was quite the same for me without you and still I didn’t get it, you know, that it was you who had made all the difference.”

Barnaby gave out a chagrined laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t even get it when I applied to the Hero Academy, that I was just looking for you and when you left to come back here…” Barnaby trailed off and Kotetsu moved to take a step forward, to say something, to _do_ something, but stopped when Barnaby shook his head.

“No, just-” he swallowed again, “when I look back at this year, when I think about the good moments, you are in all of them, and that moment on your birthday when I came down here and we stepped into your house and you said ‘I’m home’ all I could think was that I wanted to be there. I just- I want to be there waiting for you to come back and welcome you home. I want to sit under the kotatsu in winter and eat tangerines and talk about our day and watch the snow fall. I want to see my shoes next to yours at the entrance of your house. I want for us to fight over what to have for dinner and I want to make you coffee in the mornings. I want to help you fix up the house the way you and Muramasa had planned to do, the way your grandfather wanted it to be. I want to walk with you when you visit your family’s grave and I want to welcome the new year with you. I want to celebrate your birthday with fried rice and too much wine until we are sated and sleepy with it like we did this year. I want to stay up late talking to you about anything and everything. I want to wake up and see you first thing in the morning and I want to go to sleep with you by my side every night and I don’t know for sure but I think,” Barnaby swallowed thickly, “I think that’s what love is,” Barnaby finished with a sense of awe as if it were the most wonderful thing to have happened to him and Kotetsu couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, felt as if his heart had just entirely given upon him. 

“I love you,” Barnaby confessed, a smile curving his lips, small and gentle and shy and painfully honest. “I think I have loved you for a really long time,” he said softly and Kotetsu was utterly and absolutely devastated with it. Kotetsu could feel that small ache under his ribs flares into an all-encompassing, life-shattering singularity. And no, of course not, of course, there was no going back after this because-

Silence hung between them, heavy and thick and Kotetsu still stood rooted to the floor, clutching the rag in one hand while holding on the counter with the other, in the wake of a confession that had upturned everything he had ever thought he knew.

Barnaby took a deep breath rousing himself, breaking the moment. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I just… I wanted you to know,” Barnaby said gently and then turned around to open the door and suddenly it was just like the gardens all over again, with Barnaby being the brave one, making the first move and Kotetsu just being _useless_. Without realizing it, without any sort of conscious decision on his behalf, Kotetsu activated his 100 power, vaulted over the counter and slammed the door shut hard enough for it to rattle in the frame.

Barnaby stopped and slowly turned around. They were close, so close, Kotetsu thought, he could see Barnaby’s eyelashes and the shadow under his eyes and could read the weariness in the lines of his face and Kotetsu was a fool.He’d spent an entire week agonizing, being selfish and childish and he should have fixed this long ago.

“Kotetsu-” Barnaby said softly and Kotetsu bowed his head, buried his face in one hand.

“I’m an old man,” Kotetsu said, “I can’t- I can’t keep up with you sometimes.” And that was not at all what he wanted to say. But Barnaby because he was a miracle he didn’t deserve, just smiled at him, unbearably fond. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said gently, even now mindful of Kotetsu, so careful and caring and Kotetsu thought he didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve someone who would take a train in the middle of the night to travel for miles just to tell him he loved him. Someone who would never expect anything in return, who would be happy son long he knew that he was loved. Someone whose idea of love was the quiet domestic moments. 

Kotetsu stepped back slowly and looked at Barnaby. “I spent the last week wondering what I should do, what I should say to you, and all I did was run around in circles in my head because it turns out, I’m just not as brave as you are,” Kotetsu said and slid his hand in his pocket.

“Kotetsu,” Barnaby reached out and touched his arm gently, “that’s not true at all.”

Kotetsu smiled. “You are amazing Bunny, ever since I met you I’ve been trying to catch up with you. You are brilliant and kind, you are driven and determined, your heart is so big, and in spite of everything that has happened to you, you are still able to open up your heart for others and I don’t think you understand how strong that makes you,” Kotetsu placed his hand over Barnaby’s.

“You are loyal to a fault and you never do anything half heartedly and you have always been the brave one of the two of us,” Kotesu took Barnaby’s hand and turned it gently palm up and Barnaby felt something pressed into it. 

Barnaby looked down at his hand and stared at the silly pin, with the sparkly Christmas tree and the commemorative date, the one he had dropped that night in the gardens in his haste, the one he had carried with him unerringly for over a decade, and felt his breath hitch. He looked up and now, suddenly felt his throat grow tight and his face grow hot.

“You deserve someone so much better than a washed-up hero living in the middle of nowhere, but if you give me a chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life becoming the man who is deserving of someone like you,” Kotetsu said leaning close, the distance between them barely a breath away. Kotetsu looked at Barnaby’s mouth. “Be sure,” he murmured seriously, “be very sure, my poor old heart couldn’t take it if you left me, I’m not that strong.”

“It’s you,” Barnaby choked out and there were the tears, after all, welling up hot in his eyes, “it’s always been you, it’s only ever been you,” Barnaby said, voice hitching and suddenly he was being embraced, hard and without hesitation and Barnaby clung to Kotetsu’s back, his fingers digging into his shirt and everything was coming to head now. A decade worth of love pouring out of him and being welcomed, accepted, and returned. Barnaby could hardly think anymore, overcome entirely with it all, and when Kotetsu moved away to tilt his head to a side and capture Barnaby’s lips kissed, everything in his world finally felt right. Everything that had been blurry suddenly snapped into focus, and he understood it now, all those moments where he had felt on the verge of something momentous, it had been this thing right here, this thing that had been quietly building between them, within them, over years and years and they were now, at last, finally ready for it. 

Barnaby lifted up to his toes, twined his arms around Kotetsu’s neck, buried his fingers in his hair and Kotetsu pulled him closer, held him tighter, and they knew, without a doubt, that this is where they had been heading to all along. Right there on a Thursday night, on the darkened doorstep of a bar, in a small, sleepy town, two pieces of a single soul had finally reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's it! This is the part I'm happiest with, if I'm very honest, of the entire fic. It is completely different from the original one and I really only kept the part with the pin, but even the context for that is different.
> 
> I find myself with mixed emotions and quite anxious about posting this, I feel people will be disappointed by the resolution? I hope this is not the case.
> 
> In the end, I ended up cutting so much from this fic, I don't know what to do with it really, I know I will add an epilogue, probably within the week, but I don't know what to make of the rest. Maybe just one single post of deleted scenes? idk.


	8. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowee. Look at that rating jump straight to E.

The light fell through the window, pale and cool in the morning. Autumn was coming to an end and the mornings had become increasingly colder. Barnaby blinked against the light and then turned over, pulling the comforter over his shoulder, and snuggling close to his favorite source of heat. Shamelessly and still half asleep, Barnaby placed his cold feet against Kotetsu’s calves. 

Kotetsu gave a grunt and then rolled over.

“Hmm cold?” Kotetsu asked, his voice still thick and sleep heavy, a deep rumble that Barnaby could almost feel when Kotetsu reached over to pull him close. Barnaby made a sort of acquiescing noise in the back of his throat and just settled in close to continue dozing off, lulled by Kotetsu’s steady breathing.

Kotetsu was a morning person, the kind of person who could annoyingly go from asleep to fully awake in a heartbeat, but it was a Monday, their day off, the only day they could really sleep in and Barnaby intended to take advantage of it fully. He drifted in and out of sleep for a moment longer, enjoying the closeness, the warmth, the heaviness of Kotetsu’s arm around him, the familiarity of a morning routine established years ago.

Waking up was a gentle thing then. Barnaby stretched, arms and legs going tense before dropping heavily around Kotetsu. Kotetsu shifted until he was lying on his back and Barnaby was lying mostly on him, left leg and arm slung around him, his head on Kotetsu’s shoulder. It was Barnaby’s favorite position in the morning, Kotetsu knew, and if he were honest, it was his favorite too. He’d always been much more tactile than Bunny and hadn’t it been a wonderful surprise to discover that Barnaby was a secret cuddler? That he enjoyed touching and being touched in the privacy of their home? That the moment they were alone, he would seek him out, asking silently for affection, fishing for kisses and hugs like a spoiled child.

Kotetsu carded his hands through Bunny’s sleep tousled locks. They were delightfully tangled, soft from the shower the night before, longer now. Streaks of gray shined silver in between the blond and Kotetsu felt hopelessly fond at the signs of time together. He buried his nose in Bunny’s hair, smelling the shampoo he used the night before and something unique to Bunny that Kotetsu was unable to name but loved regardless. He closed his eyes, enjoyed the quiet, late morning, and then smiled when Barnaby pulled the comforter up to his ears.

Kotetsu started to move but Barnaby tightened his hold and let out an annoyed grunt.

“Let me turn up the heat, you are cold,” Kotetsu murmured hopelessly charmed and Barnaby muttered something unintelligible in reply. “I have no idea what you just said,” Kotetsu said and Barnaby huffed.

“Just stay like this,” Barnaby repeated and Kotetsu smiled.

“You know, we will have to get up at some point,” Kotetsu said but he lay on his side, raising himself up on an elbow so he could rest his head in the palm of his hand and look down on Barnaby. This too was routine, waking Bunny up slowly, in stages, so they could start the day together. 

“In a bit,” Barnaby murmured and Kotetsu indulged him, embraced him, let the morning come in, inch by inch. He looked out the window, the trees swayed gently with the autumn breeze, stripping off their leaves as they did. Two weeks ago they had gone to Sternbild to celebrate Bunny’s birthday. They’d gone together to visit Barnaby's parents grave, a tradition he understood very well, and had later gone out with Kaede and John. Halfway through dinner, she’d told them the news, that she was pregnant, and wasn’t that lovely? 

He used to dread the passage of time. Had always felt as if his life had been slipping through his fingers, like sand. And when he’d moved back to Orient Town, it had felt a bit like a finality, as if he was just going to quietly let time pass by him. He’d been fine with it. His life had been extraordinary, he’d met extraordinary people and it had felt like he’d lived too much already, had gone from husband to widower, from king of heroes to retired hero, had seen his daughter grow into a woman and then wife. He’d had more than most people had had in a lifetime. So he’d thought it would be fine, to spend the rest of his life quietly in the countryside, letting the days slip by uneventfully. 

But then Barnaby had kissed him one night under a peach tree and had turned his world upside down all over again.

His life had not turned out at all the way he thought it would, kept throwing him off at every turn, and yet… He looked at Barnaby, dozing next to him, so close he could feel his breath against his skin and knew without a doubt that he’d been lucky after all. He leaned down, kissed the top of Bunny’s head and then gave in to the urge to press him close, tight. Barnaby let out a grunt but Kotetsu knew he didn’t mind. Kotetsu rolled on top of him, pressed kisses onto his cheeks, his neck, his forehead, cuddled him aggressively until Barnaby laughed. 

“Alright, alright, I’m awake,” Bunny said smiling, pushing Kotetsu away who lay back down next to him and grinned. “What’s gotten into you this morning?”

“Nothing, I’m just happy,” Kotetsu answered with a smile.

“You are such an old man,” Barnaby replied but it was fond, his smile was soft and full of endearment. 

“Yeah, but you secretly like that about me,” Kotetsu said and it spoke to how far they had come that Barnaby didn’t even pretend to be upset about it, that his smile turned just a bit deeper, a bit more mischievous.

“There are lots of things I secretly like,” Barnaby confessed easily, his sleepiness gave way to playfulness as he reached out with his hand to place it on Kotetsu’s bare chest, his fingers gliding over the muscle.

“Yeah?” Kotetsu asked and watched as Bunny’s hand slid down his belly and lower, going under the sheets. Kotetsu had never considered himself particularly handsome. His muscles had been more about function than anything else, it had certainly never been about being attractive to anybody and so it always came a bit as a surprise the way Barnaby wouldn’t shy away from openly appreciating him. 

Barnaby’s hand closed around him gently, his fingers sliding along his length, back down to his pelvis to spread through his hair. This too was something different now, this slow awakening of arousal that spread through him warmly, without urgency, so it built upon itself in steady, slow, stages, and Bunny, Bunny was _excellent_ at doing just that, at stoking the fire with teasing touches and flirty smiles.

“That one’s not really a secret,” Kotetsu said, his voice going deep and Barnaby adored it. Five years of this and he hadn’t gotten tired of it, of seeing Kotetsu glide into arousal. Kotetsu had no problem in the softer parts of affection, in showing his love and adoration, his happiness of being with Barnaby. He was never afraid to touch and smile and kiss, would do so more publicly if it weren’t for Barnaby who preferred for those moments to be private. And so it had come as a bit of a surprise to see Kotetsu, for whom the soft affection came so easily, be uncommonly shy and reserved when it came to the more sexual aspects. A surprise that had quickly turned into a challenge because Barnaby loved nothing more than to see Kotetsu stripped of his careful control and restraint, see him tumble into arousal so he became greedy with it until he stopped caring about giving and just focused on _taking_.

Barnaby wanted that now. He wanted to see Kotetsu like that, wanted to have him like that, felt suddenly desperate for it. He pushed Kotetsu onto his back and rose to his knees. He pushed the comforter back revealing Kotetsu’s to him in nothing more than the loose sleeping pants he preferred. It gave Barnaby a thrill to see him like this, knew that no one else ever would get to see him like this, spread out on their futon, long and lean and so _fit_. Kotetsu was vain in a way that was different from the way Barnaby was vain. Barnaby cared about his appearance, hated the gray hair that had started to appear amidst the blond, took time to carefully do his hair, to pick his clothes, knew the exact number of wrinkles around the corner of his eyes. He groomed himself because he liked looking like he did. Kotetsu’s vanity was entirely different. He thought of his body as a tool, a machine, and cared for it in that sense. He cared about looking strong, about being strong, and oh, Barnaby knew he was. 

He straddled Kotetsu’s thighs, trailed his hands over Kotetsu’s chest, over the firm pectoral muscles down to his defined abdomen. He leaned down to use his mouth, to trail his lips down the _linea alba_ , felt the muscles shift and bunch under his touch. Kotetsu watched him quietly, intensely focused as his breathing slowly picked up, as his eyes grew heavy-lidded. Barnaby shifted further back, moved so he could kneel between his legs, and pressed his mouth against Kotetsu’s clothed groin. Kotetsu let out a deep, satisfied sigh, hips shifting back and forth, seeking more friction. Barnaby wet the fabric, he enjoyed getting Kotetsu messy, enjoyed knowing their clothes would be ruined by what they would do. After a moment he slipped the waistband lower to take Kotetsu into his mouth. He was warm, the taste rich and musky, and so utterly male. 

Kotetsu reached out to bury his large hand in Bunny’s hair, stroking gently, encouragingly, so careful and caring and Barnaby felt himself grow hard in his boxers. He loved this man, this ridiculous selfless man who cared more for others than he did for himself, who thought of himself as selfish because his way of taking was through giving and Barnaby knew that he could live a hundred lifetimes, and still he wouldn’t be able to run out of love.

He bobbed his head slow and steady, building up pleasure in increments, taking his time at the tip to suck and roll his tongue around it before sliding back down. Kotetsu’s hips kept rolling in tandem with his movements, small, little thrusts that contracted his abdomen in a mesmerizing way. Bunny pulled off entirely and sat up. Kotetsu’s hair was messy against the pillow, his cheeks darkened and flushed, his skin damp with sweat. Barnaby licked his lips.

He reached down to touch himself, first over his underwear and then sliding a hand inside. He kneeled to make sure Kotetsu could see what he was doing, closed his eyes in pleasure, put on a bit of a show, perhaps, as he touched himself, but he was vain, had never pretended to be otherwise. He wanted Kotetsu to look at him, just at him. Wanted for Kotetsu to always want him, to always desire him. He felt a hand sliding under his t-shirt and when he opened his eyes Kotetsu was right there. Kotetsu had sat up to slide his hands first under Barnaby's shirt and then down to his buttocks, digging his fingers into the firm muscle and Barnaby loved it, those small signs of possessiveness. Barnaby lifted up his shirt, panted when Kotetsu’s mouth pressed kisses onto his abdomen, low and close to where Bunny was still stroking himself under his underwear. Kotetsu leaned back looking up at him, dark and intense.

“Do you want-” Kotetsu asked, and he always asked, no matter how many times they had done it, he would always stop and ask because it was always a choice and never an obligation and Barnaby was sure he couldn’t possibly love him more.

“Yes,” Barnaby answered and moved to a side so Kotetsu could roll away to get the things they would need. Barnaby took off his shit, slid out of his boxers, pushed the comforter away, and welcomed Kotetsu into his arms when he returned, naked just like he was. He shifted his legs open, let Kotetsu kneel in between them, and look at him while he felt Kotetsu’s slick finger press against him. This too was comfort, Kotetsu’s practiced movements slicking him up from the inside, stretching and relaxing and Barnaby rocked his hips to help him along. Barnaby reached out with his hand.

“Let me touch you,” he said and they shifted again, Kotetsu lying down next to him so they were face to face again. The position was a bit awkward, but that was fine too. Sex between them was not a performance, it was about something else, about love and caring, about cherishing themselves and each other. Barnaby reached down between them, taking them both in hand, covered in slick to ease the glide. They were fully hard already, Barnaby leaking messily between them, but this too was about the slow ride towards pleasure. Heat against his, slick and slippery and messy.

“Do you- can you-” Kotetsu asked, shifting onto his back, pushing Barnaby up but he didn’t need to, Barnaby was already climbing over him, straddling him with the expert ease of lovers who had done this before.

“Yeah,” Barnaby sighed, arching up straight, reaching behind him to take Kotetsu in his hand to line them up. He shifted forward slightly, adjusted his position with the flex of his thighs, guided Kotetsu inside with steady, sure hands, and then started to sink down. Barnaby watched Kotetsu through half-lidded eyes as he took him in, gentle and slow, carefully as sleep-addled muscles slowly came awake. Kotetsu shifted his legs, tilted his hips up, following Barnaby’s movements, easing his way in so smoothly Barnaby sighed. In this too they were in sync, connected in a way that Barnaby had never felt with anybody before, would never want to feel with anybody ever again. Their hips met and Barnaby began to rock back and forth minutely, his hands on Kotetsu’s belly as he sat up straight. 

They moved gently, the rhythm so familiar to them both, years of being together like this, of moving together like this. There was comfort in the familiarity and even though Barnaby cherished their first times, where they fumbled and laughed and rediscovered each other, he _loved_ what they had now. There were no mysteries between them left, and perhaps to some, this would be cause for distraught, but to Barnaby, it was the source of endless happiness. They knew each other, the touches they preferred, the places that made pleasure rise or ease. Their bodies were familiar roadmaps, well-traveled, thoroughly explored, and that in itself was another kind of eroticism. 

They swayed, steady and gentle, slowly building towards a peak, lassitude giving way to urgency little by little. Barnaby looked down and saw Kotetsu watching him through heavy-lidded eyes, golden in the morning sun, pools of molten honey and the desire, the possessiveness in them made heat coalesce heavy in his belly. He loved him like this, tangled in the white sheets of the futon they’d shared for the past few years, hair disheveled, messily fanned out over the pillow, his darker skin a stark contrast against Barnaby's own milky one. Long hours in the sun had left Kotetsu with a tan, had brought out a glow to his skin he’d never had in Sternbild and Barnaby was delighted to see all that expanse of muscles, toned flesh, taut skin, spread out beneath him. He looked rugged, weathered and his hands were heavy and warm on his hips. Barnaby slid a hand down Kotetsu's chest, his abdomen, felt the muscle flex and contract under his fingertips, and his arousal increased tenfold. 

Barnaby’s movements grew more urgent, he rocked faster, felt the deep steady glide of Kotetsu deep inside, each slide ratcheting his arousal up a notch. He leaned forward slightly, bracing himself on his hands in an effort to get more leverage and closed his eyes, focused on the sensation, chased his pleasure in steadily increasing beats. Kotetsu shifted his legs and met him stroke by stroke, followed his pace, and then reached out to take Barnaby in hand. Barnaby let out a harsh breath, not quite a scream bu loud in the middle of the quiet morning where all the noises came from them, sheets gliding against skin, wet sounds as flesh met flesh. 

Kotetsu started stroking him, counter to the rest of their movements, fast and practiced, hand curling over the tip in every upstroke, and Barnaby knew he wouldn’t last. 

“Ko-Kotetsu,” he panted out and increased the pace, there was heat running through his veins and the need overwhelmed him. He needed to finish, he needed to come, he needed-

Kotetsu let go of him then, sat up to curl an arm around his waist to hold him steady, and then flipped them around. Barnaby was on his back and Kotetsu hooked his arms around Barnaby’s thighs and began to move, a rough, fast pace that forced a shout out of Barnaby in surprised pleasure and oh god, he was going to die. Barnaby threw his head back, squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed by desire, by pleasure, every nerve ending alive so his whole body felt alight. His hands twisted in the futon below, fists curling into fabric, his entire body growing tense, as each stroke pushed him closer to the brink. His back hollowed out as his body turned into a tight, arch of sensation, hovering for a moment at the very brink, at the edge of something huge and overwhelming and then suddenly, abruptly, drowned in ecstasy as his orgasm rushed through him. It raced down his spine, up his legs, his abdomen contracted as his release pulsed onto his belly, his chest, as his body shook with the wrecking contractions of orgasm, drawn out by Kotetsu’s steady movements. He reached out, weak limbed but desperate for connection, desperate to feel Kotetsu close, and he did, Kotetsu shifted so he could lay on top of Barnaby and Barnaby embraced him, held him close, shook in his arms even as he urged Kotetsu on with kisses and sighs and breathless pleads.

“Please, please-” Barnaby sighed because he wanted Kotetsu to be there with him. The angle not allowing for much, but Kotetsu kept moving, small staccato-like thrusts, arms shaking with the effort of holding himself up, his breath coming out in heavy pants near Barnabys’ ear. And Bunny pulled him tighter, summoned the strength to squeeze down on him just so, raked his nails over Kotetsu’s back and ran his tongue over Kotetsu’s ear and that was it. With a bit-off curse, he felt Kotetsu come in long, heavy bursts, felt him spasm and shake on top of him and it was a bit like a second orgasm. 

Barnaby felt like he was floating on a cloud, his mind blank and every muscle in his body lax and loose. He had no strength left, was doubtful he would ever recover his mind at all, found himself not at all bothered by it. 

Kotetsu shifted gently, carefully raised himself on his arms, and slowly moved away, unbending and untangling themselves, to lie face down next to Barnaby letting out a deep, satisfied groan.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move again,” Barnaby said after a while.

“I think I threw my back out,” Kotetsu muttered mournfully and Barnaby let out a delighted laugh.

He rolled onto his side, curled around Kotetsu, allowing himself to enjoy this moment, his hand trailing down the wide expanse of his back, muscle soft and pliant, sweat already drying. They’d have to get up soon, there were things that needed to get done, but they could stay just like this for just a little while longer. After all, they had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hadn't planned an Epilogue. I mean, I sort of did but it wasn't this lol. idk where this came from but I hope you all enjoyed it regardless.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe it's finally all done. This was such a journey and it did not go at all the way I thought it would. I have a lot of feelings right now.
> 
> As mentioned before, this story is at the very least 7 years old and as I worked on it, it became clear very quickly that there were so many more issues to the story than I had originally thought. My original intent was to explore the transition that Barnaby goes through in his middle age, with his powers leaving and having to face the fact that he couldn't continue living his life by inertia. We are constantly redefining ourselves through our lives, as things change, as our circumstance change us. We are never the same person twice, and who we are in our teens, in our twenties, in our thirties, is different.
> 
> It's curious, when I started to write this story I was 29 and now I'm 37 and I think the changes of the story are reflected by the fact that when I first wrote it I was closer to Bunny's canonical age and now I'm closer to his age in my fanfic. Life sure is weird. I regret a bit not having taken more care in the planing of this story and not treating it with more care and forethought.
> 
> The truth is that I was very much like Barnaby, trying to figure things out as I went along and managing to finally get it by the very end. As I wrote the last sentence, I realized that was really the story I wanted to tell. The story of two men circling each other over years and years of shared experiences, of life-altering events, inexorably pulling them closer and closer until they could finally reach the moment where they could finally be together. 
> 
> In the end, this fic almost seems like just a chapter in this much grander story and I think that someday I will be able to write that story and do it justice, and explore these complex concepts of growing up, growing old, of love, the re-discovery of self, the missed connections between people. I think nothing is more wonderful than the coming together of two people after they had both given up on ever finding something like that.
> 
> Ah... I think my age is showing a bit there.
> 
> Thank you everyone who commented and liked this story. I would have given up on it if it weren't for you all, for all your kind and encouraging messages. You have no idea how much it means to me when you guys tell me the things that you liked. It always makes me emotional, thank you for that. A special thanks to[plsnobully](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plsnobully/pseuds/plsnobully) who indulged me in writing entire essays in the comment section. You made me realize how much I've missed being in a fandom, and especially how much I missed Tiger and Bunny. 
> 
> At the beginning of this way back in April, I was sure that this was going to be the very last fic I would ever write for this fandom. I think I can now safely say that won't be the case, and even though it's not on my plans short term, I think I will fall in love all over again in 2022 with season two.
> 
> -Heavy


End file.
